The coronavirus pandemic caused Katelyn Stanis to reschedule her wedding not one, but two.
Every time he communicated with guests, he says, they were extremely understanding. Some sent text messages to say they were impressed with the decision. Others shared their excitement via email. All that concern about how loved ones would feel was greeted with understanding and acceptance, and the same would be true, he says, if the roles are reversed.
Couples are aware of how difficult it is to attend weddings during the pandemic, no matter how much guests want to be there for the big day. Wedding etiquette right now comes down to how couples can prioritize not only their health, but the health and safety of their loved ones as well. That means respecting guests’ concerns about their health.
Have her help you find the words, Fortune spoke with wedding experts like Stanis about ways to let couples know that you won’t be able to attend.
Short and sweet
As well as being a part of the strange 2020 bridal club, Stanis knows what it’s like to be on both sides of the bridal party; After all, she is a professional speech and wedding vow writer. She recommends sending a wedding gift and a carefully written card that explains why you are answering no.
Here’s an example: “Congratulations Nick and Alex! We are so happy for you both. Unfortunately, our family is not comfortable attending an event during these unprecedented times. We send our love and best wishes to both of you as we begin their new life together. “
“Most people understand that what is happening in the world will affect our decisions in new ways. Both guests and the couple must remember that this is not personal, it is a pandemic. “
Lead with honesty
Etiquette expert Lizzie Post says guests don’t have to choose between being an understanding friend and respecting their comfort levels right now.
This is how she would break the news: “I love you so much. And I am very excited about your wedding. But I must admit that I don’t feel comfortable going. I’d love to support you in other ways. “
Guests can ask the couple what they need and how they can help them, she says. Regardless of what guests choose to do, Post says the most important thing for guests to remember is to be honest.
Don’t over-explain
Elaine Swann, founder of The Swann School of Protocol, says that guests should take advantage of the RSVP opportunities provided by the couple.
“If someone sends you an invitation in the mail and provides you with an RSVP card, fill out that card accordingly. Do the same with an electronic invitation and wish the best to the couple, very simple. I don’t recommend giving explanations, ”Swann says.
Because the couple are already immersed in the wedding planning process, dealing with everyone from their own family members to vendors, Swann says guests shouldn’t give them anything else to think about.
The post says that no matter your relationship with the couple getting married, the best thing the guests can do is be considerate. Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, he says, and the pandemic makes it much worse.
“Coupled with the fact that we are all living in extremely stressful conditions right now, if someone seems a little out of place about their wedding, it’s because that’s happening and the pandemic is happening,” Post says. “Take it with a big, big grain of salt.”
